spider up her thigh in the dimly lit room
held down, stared down
embers of the abyss snap around her

My father sexually abused me.
When I got married,
I hyphenated my name.

No one questioned it at the time.
But in the middle of my parents’ late divorce,
everyone wants to know about names.

the face of a man beside her bed.

Some
ill in the       room.

Nietzsche warned us not to look
long into the abyss, or it will look long
into us.

It was       finally
his home until
abruptly
his mind flashed
all the times he had entered       a
boy

i was depressed,
and i wanted
to take a
walk;
you said you'd join me—
didn't mean i wanted
netflix and chill,

it happened before words came
to tell me how to feel about it
newly connected neurons torn apart
or perverted— 
forever firing blanks into the microbiological air

As a child
The lessons taught
Can bring a pain never thought.

The lessons on trust
And heartache
Sear the soul.