POETRYI Was Only a Girl
you tried raping me
when i was
twelve
years old
because somehow it was
okay because you were
my boyfriend,
but i told you no;
shoved you away—
still you decided stripping and tried
to take my shift off,
but i managed
to shove you away;
ran down the stairs—
to this very day the thought of
letting someone in
makes me
apprehensive
because you had that charming smile
said all the right things,
but i was just a girl;
wanted something more than wifedom
and motherhood—
don't understand why it had to
come to that.
spider up her thigh in the dimly lit room
held down, stared down
embers of the abyss snap around her
My father sexually abused me.
When I got married,
I hyphenated my name.
No one questioned it at the time.
But in the middle of my parents’ late divorce,
everyone wants to know about names.
Nietzsche warned us not to look
long into the abyss, or it will look long
into us.
It was finally
his home until
abruptly
his mind flashed
all the times he had entered a
boy
i was depressed,
and i wanted
to take a
walk;
you said you'd join me—
didn't mean i wanted
netflix and chill,
it happened before words came
to tell me how to feel about it
newly connected neurons torn apart
or perverted—
forever firing blanks into the microbiological air
As a child
The lessons taught
Can bring a pain never thought.
The lessons on trust
And heartache
Sear the soul.