Photo by Rakib Reza on Unsplash
I never got them called on me as often as when I was with you
sleepy suburbia reads racist nightmare after 8 p.m. reads big brother
cruises with a fire in his belly
the first time the crown vic showed up at my house
it was because your car was parked out front & because you were leaning
over me by the front door
& my all-american skin burned white-hot because it meant
the neighbors saw & because it meant they saw you & screamed
& they saw me holding your hand
& screamed infidel & they saw me & they saw you & they saw
your beard & they saw your car & they saw your misbaha & they
saw my white american skin gleaming
like a beacon from my white american front door &
they saw us kissing & they saw & they saw
& they saw & I don’t know what
they saw & I don’t care what they saw I was drowning
in seeing & they pulled the alarm because they could
because they could sniff out judas
like trained bloodhounds on the scent because
they screamed FIRE broke the emergency glass
& the crown vic came cruising
down the street & because I thanked god we had stopped
kissing by that point because the glare of big brother’s handcuffs
burned hotter than my anger & because they asked
if I was looking for paradise & I said yes & they asked
if I was a virgin & I said yes & they said young lady are you aware
of the seventy-one other virgins & because I said haha no officer
& because really I should have screamed I fucking hate the cops
I’ll take his paradise over yours any day & the seventy-one
other virgins with it at least that’s fewer cunts
than in this godforsaken town & because I did not & because god
cursed me for thanking him I will carry the sound of my not screaming
for the rest of my white-hot days
& that is why I fucking hate the cops & why I hate the neighbors
& the sleepy suburbia & the racist nightmare & the big brother
& the little brother & both sets of tires
& myself the seventy-second cunt because anything they did to you
was because I was judas to you first & because I’m sorry & because I’m
sorry & because I’m sorry
Lauren Koenig is a Los Angeles transplant who will be graduating from Scripps College in Claremont, Calif. with a degree in English & art history. She has previously published “Fledged,” an edition of 15 artist’s books, in 2017, with copies purchased by Museum of Women in the Arts, Columbia University, and Rhode Island School of Design.