8 AM
I wake up: brush teeth, wash face,
put on my new pajamas and head
to the couch for service from the
good book: TV Guide.

8:30 AM
The Golden Girls choir shimmies
and claps about the beauty of
friendship. I stand, pretending
to know the words.

9AM
Sister Ricardo preaches
the sanctity and struggle
of marriage. I laugh at her
extra-long lashes.

9:30AM
I quietly sneak out to the bathroom
during Minister Sam’s lecture
about the evils of alcohol
in bars where everyone knows your name.

10AM
I break into “Rock Around the Clock”
led by the Fonz. After a nice long “Ayyy”
I take my seat and try not to think
about the lack of coffee.

10:30AM
Laverne and Shirley express
the sexual tension between
close friends who live together
for over three years. I wonder
when they’ll confess their love.

11AM
The Saved by the Bell gang preaches
the horrors of teen pregnancy, drugs
and premarital sex—reruns.
I catch up on work instead.

12PM
Samantha displays her blasphemy
with a noise wiggle turning
Darien’s boss into a dog.
I try to copy her moves.

12:30PM
Save the Children pass around
the collection plate—I pretend
not to see it. The service ends
with the uplifting Fresh Prince theme.

1PM
After fulfilling my sabbath duties,
I’m back in bed. Slipping under
the covers, I stretch out to relax
with a good book.

Ashley Perez is a creative writing graduate from DePaul University. When she’s not writing poetry, she’s obsessing about the latest and greatest music. Her obsession with music has led to her writing for the Chicago Music Examiner, updating the masses on the latest music news.