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DRUNK MONKEYS IS A Literary Magazine and Film Blog founded in 2011 featuring short stories, flash fiction, poetry, film articles, movie reviews, and more

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ESSAYBless Your Little Ole’ Heart, You’re an Idiot: A Liberal Southern Woman’s Perspective on Donald TrumpKim Bailey Deal

You read that correctly. I am a liberal southern woman. No, it’s not an oxymoron, but some believe it to be, especially in my age group of fifty and older. I’m a minority in these parts where most southerners are taught to be seen and not heard, especially southern women. Tennessee is a conservative and primarily Republican state, and I’m smack dab in the middle of all the outraged upper class who have too much to lose, and the poor who have nothing to lose, but will lose it anyway. 

So, here we are, folks. We have come to the final countdown, the last daunting weeks before the 2016 Presidential Election. It’s madness out there, my friends. The first presidential debacle—um, debate—comes to us on Monday night, September 26th, and America is in an electoral frenzy.

This year will mark my eighth presidential election as a legal voter. I cast my first vote for president in 1984 at age 18 when I voted for Walter Mondale. Of course, he lost to Ronald Reagan, as I knew he would. Since I’ve done this a few times, and I started my voting privileges with cynicism and utter horror at the outcome, I think I can safely say I know a good, and most certainly, a bad candidate when I see him or her.

Forget about all the pros and cons of every candidate in history. We all know each president has had his good and bad days in office, though admittedly, some more than others. As we are human, this will forever be the case. And, since there are multiple points-of-view by the millions of people in our country, there will be those who defend “their” candidate and choice for president until their dying breaths, even in the face of pure evil, debauchery, and stupidity.

This is where Donald Trump comes in, and where, in my sheer delight and without apology I will make my Granny and Pa roll over in their graves.

For the masses of you, particularly all you women, who are looking to Donald Trump as the one who will “Make America Great Again” there are some things you should consider before you get behind this douchebag and give him your vote. Most of you won’t listen, but I’m going to tell you anyway.

Donald Trump is a Con Artist

My momma just loves Donald Trump. When he had his show, The Apprentice, she couldn’t wait to tell me all about it during our weekly phone calls between Oklahoma, where I lived, and Florida, where she still resides.

While I was visiting her a couple of years ago she brought him up. She could tell by the look on my face I didn’t want to discuss Trump.

“Well, Kimberly, what’s wrong with you? Why don’t you like him?”

I had to change the subject because I would have hurt my mother’s feelings. But before I did, I asked her why she had such an affinity for him. Her answer? “I don’t know. I just like him.”

Now that he’s running for president, I have not ventured to ask her if she will vote for him. I know she will. She will do it, blindly and in complete oblivion, because she just likes him.

Does anyone really know Trump’s platform? What does he stand for? What does he propose to do about the economy, health care, education, the environment, social programs for the disenfranchised, abortion laws, racism, the current police crisis, LGBTQ rights, women’s rights, and equal pay? 

What’s that? You don’t really know the answer? 

No, none of us really do. Since Trump started his campaign he has made over 100 policy shifts on nearly two dozen major issues. For example, he touted three contradictory views on abortion in an eight-hour period of time. Three. And NONE of them were for women’s rights over their own bodies. His platform doesn’t necessarily take a moral view to abortion, but he is all for restricting a woman’s rights if that will get him the votes.

Do women really want someone who can’t or won’t make his mind up about an abortion policy, and who has no interest in women’s issues or social and financial needs, in office? Are you out of your freaking mind? 

He’s refused, as have many other politicians, to provide full disclosure of his financial statements. He’s like that guy the first six months of a relationship who doesn’t want you to see his bad side, not until you’re fully invested and he’s been gaslighting you the whole time, making you feel like all the pain and misery you’re experiencing is really your fault.

He’s a player. You know what I’m talking about, ladies. When I was in high school the guys I refused to go near were the players. They smiled, talked big, told lies, and puffed themselves up into something they weren’t just to get into our days-of-the-week panties. They were usually the jocks, though not always, and interacting with them inevitably made a rational girl feel like she needed to run home and take a shower with an entire bottle of disinfectant. 

As in countless years past, we continue to have these medicine men and politicians show up on our doorsteps, making promises of miraculous change and recovery. Donald Trump is the smarmiest of them all. As they say in the south, he talks out of both sides of his mouth. It depends on which side you’re standing as to what you’ll hear. 

Donald Trump is a Xenophobe, a Bigot, and He Hates Women

Come on, now. Anyone with eyes to see can discern this guy’s character. He’s white, male, upper class, rich, famous, and completely consumed with himself.

We’ve heard the sound bites and seen the videos on the news and social media where Trump promises to build a wall, to refuse refugees access to our country, where he berates Muslims, and abases women—specifically Hillary Clinton, his opponent for Commander in Chief. 

He wants to change libel laws so he can sue media organizations that write about him in any disparaging way.

He’s lauded Vladimir Putin’s dictator style, and stood behind inhumane methods of torture of POW’s. 

He supports a martial type of police presence while also insinuating, along with the NRA in a fearmongering tactic, that people should have the ability to shoot at will and defend themselves in a perceived massive uprising as a need for defense. 

He even “joked” around that Hillary Clinton should, or could, be a target.

Trump has no love for anyone who is unlike himself. He will use whomever he can to get what he wants. When he’s finished, or if it fails, he will go on to the next business venture or person to achieve his goals—and that is complete control of his world. Where this gets interesting is when it comes to the women in his life.

Divorce is not the issue, and morality is out the window with this election, despite conservative Republican’s assertions. The problem with Trump and women is that he has absolutely zero respect for women as sentient beings. If you don’t believe me, then look at his history. Who has he chosen as his mates? Ivana, Marla, Melania ... all women who made money with their bodies in some fashion, mostly as models and actresses. That “perfect ten” is what Donald Trump seems to look for in a mate, not a woman who thinks or has her own opinions, or feels differently than he does. 

Now I know I’m not privy to the private lives of his marriages, but I can tell you that the way he talks about women and to women reveals his hatred of them. Only a woman who will put up with his outrageous bullshit that he is King, Dictator, Decider and God’s Gift to them would succumb to his ideas or his courtship.

Pay special attention to how he talks about strong and powerful women. He has insulted women such as Megyn Kelly of Fox News, calling her a “bimbo” and other notable women such as Cher, Rosie O’Donnell, and Bette Midler. He even tweeted on April 16, 2015 that, “If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?” 

Yes. He. Did.

He calls women he doesn’t approve of names, such as “fat pigs’ and “disgusting” while he says women should be “hot” to be a journalist, and should be aesthetically pleasing objects. 

In Trump’s view, women are not to be “given” negotiable assets, they have “a great act going to trick men” and sexual assault for women in the military is to be expected.

Let this all sink in a minute.

Are you still thinking about voting for this guy? Are you touched in the head? 

If You’re Looking for the Moral High Road, Donald Trump is Not Your Man

Despite the so called separation of church and state, our country has a deep need for candidates who appear morally sound. What is most frightening about this need is they see morality as some compass for religious ideology, and that idea cannot be farther from the truth.

Donald Trump doesn’t care about your precious religious doctrine or tradition. He doesn’t care that your momma and daddy told you to live by the Golden Rule, respect your elders, tithe in church on Sunday, or live by the Ten Commandments.

None of his vague platform resonates with these traditional beliefs, those most Americans have valued time and again when choosing their next president. 

It’s all about winning now. He wants your vote, so he will say whatever he needs to say, and backtrack to say something else to gain a voter with a different opinion. He’s playing to his audience, and his audience wants the America they once knew, the one where whites felt safe in “their” neighborhoods, where white men held all the power in the job market, and where they also ruled the roost at home. Mired in patriarchy and fundamentalism, Trump’s strategy is to make you think he wants these things for you. 

Well, he doesn’t. What he wants is power. His politics are not Democratic or Republican, but Authoritarian. Trust me on this. I’ve seen men like him up close and personal. They make you believe they care about you and are watching out for your best interests, but they’re not.

The fact is, America was built on such oligarchy in the early days, but has evolved to a nation that with an extremely diverse population. People of all races, ethnic background, religious views, ideologies, and sexual orientation are the masses of our America now. Going back to “Make America Great Again” is code for “Make America White Again.” If we want that, then we want the patriarchal control over women, too—because that’s what it will come to. 

No Woman in Her Right Mind Would Vote for Donald Trump

Ladies, you need to think for yourselves here. Hillary Clinton may be a Democrat and not your ideal choice for the first female president of this country, but I promise you, Donald Trump’s win of office will be the worst possible outcome for this country—and especially for women. 

He will not give two shits about our reproductive rights, equal pay, upward mobility, protection against rapists, murderers, and abusers, molesters of our little girls, and inevitably, our voice

Guys like him have been shutting women down for centuries. So many women who have gone before us have fought like hell for a voice in our families, communities, and the world. Are you going to give that back? Are you going to let this schmuck get inside your head and give you false ideas about how wonderful things will be once he’s in charge? 

He’s a conqueror, not a man who is qualified to be president of a nation of such rich diversity. Someone like him would be better off ruling a nation as a dictator—and that’s exactly what he will end up doing if we let him.

Don’t give away your power after all that women have done to obtain it. We are in the 21st Century, ladies. It took years for women to get where we are now—and it’s not enough! Why go backward? 

Hillary Clinton is a strong woman with great intelligence and political savvy. One of the reasons she is so unlikable is because she doesn’t play the part expected of her, to be a hand-puppet for powerful men. She knows her shit and she’s not one to back down from a fight. She’s running for President of the United States! This is a monumental achievement. Are we, as women, going to sacrifice her to the dogs because she’s unpopular and comes off as a bitch because she doesn’t take anybody’s shit? 

She’s not my first choice, but Donald Trump is my last, regardless of who may be running against him. 

If you are voting for him because Hillary Clinton is a Democrat, or if she’s “too” bold, strong, or opinionated, well then, bless your little ole’ heart, because you’re an idiot. 


Kim Bailey Deal writes Women’s Fiction, short stories, poetry, and nonfiction. She has written one novel and is working on another. She authors a weekly column and is Social Media Manager for www.five2onemagazine.com. Kim has several works published, including in Firefly Magazine Issue #3, on Writersdigest.com, Pilcrow & Dagger, Tuck Magazine, The Scarlet Review, Madness Muse Magazine, and soon to be published in Sick Lit Magazine, The Magnitizdat Literary, and again in Firefly Magazine Issue #8. A mother of four, she lives with her husband near Chattanooga, TN. Follow her atwww.kimbaileydeal.net.


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