Hey man,

It’s me - your old friend and namesake John Jacob. It’s been too long. How are things? Look, I know we decided long ago to stop going out together, on account of people always shouting our name at us. But maybe it’s time we stop letting the world keep us apart. After all, your name really IS my name too. And what are the chances that two normal dudes with the same, inherently hilarious name happen to cross paths and become best friends? Pretty slim, J-heim. Pretty darn slim.

 I guess what I’m trying to say is, let the people shout; you and I were meant to go out. I don’t care if they sing songs mocking our ridiculous name on an infinite loop for all eternity. I miss you man. Give me a call sometime.

 Your friend,

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt ………………………….Na na na na na na na ;) 

Dan Colburn is just your average advertising sell-out desperately trying to prove to himself that he can write real stuff too.