If some movies are made to be seen on the big screen, Bloodsport is made to be seen on VHS in a semi-finished basement. Your best friend’s older brother, the one with the collection of throwing stars, should be there to explain all the finer points of the world’s fighting styles. He’ll tell you about this guy he knows who had to turn down an invitation to the last Kumite so he could go to Navy Seal training.

Because you are the media savvy, snarky one, you know Bloodsport is just the thousandth reworking of “Enter the Dragon.” You know the acting is horrible, the dialogue is simply declarative, and that Jean Claude Van Damme is a grade-A jackass.  But something will happen in-between the moment Frank Dux breaks the bottom brick of a stack of bricks and the moment when the evil Chong Li  leads the crowd in a chant of his own name. At some point you find yourself totally entertained.

Bloodsport is immune to your snark. It says, laugh at me all you want, but I’ll show you a slow motion JCVD flying kick and you will love it. You and your friend’s meathead older brother find common ground, and for a moment the world is a much more fun place.

Please join the Drunk Monkey’s Film Department in the virtual basement this Thursday. The wood paneling is freshly installed and the pizza rolls are just about ready.

– Lawrence Von Haelstrom, Contributing Editor

The Drunk Monkeys Film Department will be live-tweeting Bloodsport on Thursday, January 29th at 7pm Pacific. The movie is available on Netflix Instant Watch. 

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