Photo by William Hook on Unsplash
“You should be fine to take it now.”
I looked at the confidence on Kyle’s face and tore open the packaging of the cookie. I later realized Kyle’s cocksure nature came from the fact that there wouldn’t be any negative consequences for him either way.
Crumbs spilled onto the rusted floor of the car. I stuffed the 400mg THC sugar cookie into my mouth and chewed. The edible felt dry in my mouth and needed a lot of teeth chomping and tongue maneuvering to devour.
Finally, I tongued out the last dregs stuck in my teeth and settled in for the ride.
“Maybe you’ll sit next to a total babe,” Kyle said.
“I’m flying back to Rhode Island for Spring Break,” I replied. “All the babes are headed to Miami Beach or Cabo.”
Kyle shrugged his shoulders and eased the wheel over to a lane marked by SFO signs.
“You never know.”
“I just want to get on the plane as quick as possible and watch a movie,” I replied.
“Well, you’ll be chilling on that edible.”
“That’s the plan.”
Mos Def’s “Travellin’ Man” played in the background for the final few minutes of the ride. Broken speakers buzzed in tandem with the bass of the track. The vibrations paired nicely with the rattling of the car that should have been sold for parts before Kyle or I started driving.
“I’m starting to feel tingles,” I said while doing a happy shimmy in my seat.
“That was quick.”
“I didn’t have breakfast.”
Kyle pulled into the queue for the departure terminals.
“How many doses was the edible?”
I reached into my pocket to out the cookie wrapper I almost forgot was there.
“It’s… uh, I don’t see the dose… Wait. Four hundred milligrams.”
The car jerked to a stop. Kyle’s eyes widened in disbelief, akin to if I told him I had got a date with Miley Cyrus.
HONK!
Kyle ignored the Mercedes in his rearview mirror. I started to feel hot under his gaze and shifted in my seat.
“Dude. Start driving… It’s not a big deal.”
Kyle glanced at his side mirror and pulled over toward my terminal. He looked over at me with a shaky smile.
“All right, brother. You’re a wild man. I’d maybe feel comfortable with twenty milligrams max out in public.”
Kyle’s Jeeps came to a slow squealing halt. People bustled around— getting luggage from trunks and hugging relatives or partners.
I sat quietly in my seat, feeling a bit claustrophobic.
“I’ve seen you take a four-dose edible before we’ve gone out to a party.”
“Yeah. A dose is equal to about five milligrams.”
“Oh…”
I felt my heart plummet down into my stomach. My forehead constricted like there was a sweaty headband of twine digging into my scalp. I started to breathe short, shallow breaths in quick succession.
“You’ll be all right, man,” Kyle said quickly. “It’s not like you need to be awake on the flight. Just get through security, and you’ll be fine.”
I nodded.
HONK!
“All right, man,” Kyle said. “I’ve got to kick you out now.”
Before I knew it, Kyle gave me a quick hug and opened the door. I grabbed my bags and stood on the curb, watching the puttering Jeep drive away.
I felt the mass of people pass around me, but being outside removed some tension from being cramped in Kyle’s car. No one was looking at me, and I started to feel slight tingles again rather than the too warm panic of claustrophobia.
The doors to the airport opened, and I walked into the vast atrium of SFO. There were rows of check-in stations for each airline, but I opted for the self-check-in kiosk. I typed in my information slowly and waited for my ticket to print.
I finally had my ticket and was ready to get in line for security. I started to feel like it wouldn’t be too bad. I just had to make it through security, and I could chill at the gate and watch a movie on my laptop. I’d get on the plane, maybe watch another movie, go to bed and wake up in New York feeling well-rested.
My positive feelings buoyed my feet as I followed the signs to the security gates. My eyebrows furrowed when I saw the line. The scene looked akin to a queue at Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion. I sighed, fished out some tangled headphones from a pocket, and stepped behind the last person in line.
When I reached around the halfway point in the queue, a wave of intense vibration washed over me. It felt like I had been hit on the head with a giant fluffy Care Bear hammer. My eyes became burning slits, and my whole body had the weird sensation of being light and heavy at the same time.
Mos Def blasted in my ears, and I thought my phone got pinched around the up-volume button in my pocket. His lyrics started to feel personally directed to me. I ripped the headphones out and pulled out my phone. The volume bar hovered around the middle. I felt my heart thudding faster than baseline buzzing from the headphones and decided to take a break from listening to music.
My phone showed me that only ten minutes had passed since I got in line.
I just needed to breathe. Everything would be fine. I took deep breaths and told myself that I would be back on the East coast in eight hours max, and the current circumstances would be a funny memory. The tension in my chest didn’t ease, but I put my earbuds back in and told myself that after a few more songs, I’d be at my gate and chilling.
After the initial shock of feeling like Mos Def was telling me how I needed to accept my Capricorn birth, I switched to a classical music compilation of Mozart, Beethoven, and Chopin. They provided a soothing orchestra with no words to mess with my head.
I found myself breathing slowly and focusing on the music as I handed over my I.D. and showed my ticket. I continued in line and felt my heart beating a little less intensely in my chest once I made it through. When I reached the security scanners, I took out my headphones, took off my shoes and belt, and took my laptop out of my bag. I put everything on the security check belt and proceeded to walk through the scanner without any issues.
As the TSA agent waved me through, I felt my insides rush up like I was a kid on a roller coaster for the first time. I went to the conveyor belt and grabbed my shoes and my belt. My bag came out next, and I took that and headed off to my gate with a skip in my step.
I checked my phone and saw that there were only thirty minutes left until boarding time. The tingles spread through my body, and I felt good. It was time for me to pull up a movie and chill until they called my group number. My heart dropped into an abyss when I opened my bag.
No laptop.
The shock and knot in my stomach settled with the realization that I had left my laptop on the conveyor belt of the security checkpoint.
After a fleeting moment of considering if I could afford to leave the laptop behind, I realized I had to go back. Sweat poured from my body as I stood up and headed back toward security.
I felt my eyes pulsating with veins that I knew cast a red glow like I was a character from the cartoon version of Alice in Wonderland.
My heart jackhammered as I approached the security checkpoint. I froze when I saw four police officers and a technician at a desk with my laptop. My embarrassment of seeing the sticker of a pink taco Kyle slapped on my laptop earlier in the semester made me consider if I should head back to my gate.
I knew I couldn’t afford to leave my laptop behind, though, and I stepped forward and approached the police officers.
“Excuse me,” My voice squeaked.
All four police officers turned to me.
“I think that’s my laptop.”
“What’s your name?” The technician asked.
I gave him my name, and he looked at the officers. All five of them then turned to me. I felt my eyes as throbbing slits. I knew I looked like an absolute dumb ass standing there with a stupid stoned face.
The technician closed the laptop and handed it over.
“Thank you,” My voice cracked.
I took my laptop and quickly headed back to my gate. I found a seat, sat down, and just breathed. I put the laptop in my bag and proceeded to sit there, trying to control my breath and the sweat and heat pouring from my body.
The heat and racing thoughts of how stupid I was swarmed over me. I tried closing my eyes but felt like I had fallen into an abyss. When I snapped my eyes open, I saw that a colossal boarding line had formed at the gate.
The final boarding call for my gate was being announced over the PA system.
Before I knew what had happened, my body reacted, and I was in line to get on the plane. I showed my boarding pass to the Stewardess at the gate and followed the line down the narrow chamber to the plane.
All I wanted was to find my seat and collapse. I would watch a movie like Kyle said and would proceed to tune out until I reached JFK.
I made a sort of half grunt to the Stewardess who welcomed me onto the plan and moved down the aisle to my seat. I looked at the numbering of the seats and realized I’d be in the middle. I grimaced but decided that’d be an inconvenience worth having if I could sit down and not have to move.
The overhead bins looked full, so when I saw an open one, I threw my bag onto it without getting my laptop out. That contraption had already got me in enough trouble. I saw the screens on the back of the seats and knew I’d be okay.
When I reached my seat, I paused as I saw the woman at the window. She had a navy blue full nun’s uniform on. Her face looked like a disapproving grandmother born in the 40s stuck in San Francisco-based Rom-Com. I had felt like I was floating through time and space up until that point, then I felt the reality of my shoulder-length hair and slit-stoned gaze.
I mumbled another sort of “hello” as I sat down and buckled my seat belt. I didn’t waste any time after that tapping on the screen in the headrest in front of me. Thankfully, I still had my headphones in my pocket. I put those in and felt home free as I began to scroll through the movie options. No one would bother me now.
As I passed a movie I recognized, Spring Breakers, I found out who my other neighbor would be. I tried to keep from staring as a girl with a San Francisco college shirt who vaguely looked like Miley Cyrus sat down next to me.
I didn’t even know what I was doing, but I found myself opening my mouth and turning to her as she sat down. I leaned forward and blurted something that I don’t remember passing through any sort of filtering system in my brain.
“What?” she replied.
My brain froze at that point, trying to pull together and process what had just happened. I didn’t even know if I spoke any coherent words. I just had a brief awareness of how high I felt. The vibrations through my body surpassed any brain function I could control. I tried to say something to excuse myself and be seen in a positive light.
That’s when I felt the drool drop down my chin and splat on my tray table.
The next thing I knew, an older woman in the aisle across from us leaned forward and glared at me as if I was the source of all evil in the world. Somehow, I understood that this was the girl’s mom, and they were on a college tour trip.
I didn’t say anything else. I turned back to the movie screen and tapped the icon for Spring Breakers with James Franco. I didn’t care what the movie was about. I just wanted it to start and for the flight to take off.
As soon as the movie began, I felt things calm down next to me. The girl put in headphones and started playing a game on her phone. Her Mom settled back in the seat across from us and began tapping on the screen in the headset in front of her. The nun by the window leered at me for a few minutes before taking a breath and pulling out her rosary.
The opening credits rolled, and I started to feel a wave of calmness flow over me. Scenes of spring break played on the screen. Teenagers drinking and partying filled the screen. Shots were thrown back, and people danced with hands and hair flying in the air. Suddenly, girls were taking off their tops. A close-up of a pair of breasts filled the screen.
“Pardon the interruption,” the pilot announced. “There has been a slight delay…”
I didn’t notice the rest of the announcement. All I could focus on was the pair of boobs frozen on my screen with a Pardon the Interruption label stretching in-between the nipples.
The blonde next to me gave me a worse stink eye than her mother. I didn’t feel courageous enough to look over at the nun’s face, but her body shifted towards the window faster than she could make the sign of the cross.
A groan escaped my throat, and some spark of sanity made me realize that I should go to bed. I turned the monitor off in front of me and folded my arms down on the tray table. I rested my head and dozed off like I was back in high school in third-period Latin class.
***
When I woke up, my entire body felt like it was operating at a reduced speed. Grogginess filled my enticed being. I looked over to my right and saw the nun still shifted toward the window with her arms crossed, determined not to look over at me. The blonde to my left was in an animated conversation with her mother, but I couldn’t quite process what she was saying. All I could make out was three hours.
I thought to myself that three hours was good. I could watch another movie, and we would be landing just as the film finished.
I turned on the screen and saw the tits were still displayed. I quickly tried to hit the menu button, but my mind and body still functioned on a level I had no control over.
As I tried to navigate off the boobs and onto the main screen, another Pardon the Interruption announcement popped up.
“Apologies for the three-hour wait, but we are finally cleared for take-off. We’ll try to make up some of the lost time while we’re in the air.”
The nun, the blonde, and her mom all turned to me as my mouth was open, staring at the screen in front of me.
Drew Alexander Ross studied business and film at the University of San Francisco, class of 2015. He resides in Los Angeles, where he currently works as a script analyst and freelance writer. Drew has placed in eight screenwriting competitions and has multiple short stories featured in various publications, including Drunk Monkeys with "Green Shield."