Well, somehow, against an ever-increasing array of sadistic odds, we’ve made it through another dogshit calendar year. I’m not here to talk about literally anything but movies, but obviously there’s a whole lot of real life that influences everything from what I’ve watched, to the sorts of movies getting money and attention in what feels an increasingly shrinking cinematic ecosystem. It’s another year for easy cynicism with numerous flops, A.I. anxiety, and companies like Warner Bros. proving again and again that not only do they hate art, but they even have time to hate the art they’ve made on their own dime.

Yeah, it fucking sucks out there, but I’m going to once again end the year feeling optimistic. Movies aren’t going anywhere, at least anytime soon. Some really cool films made it to a theater near you in 2023. Horror kicked ass yet again. Physical media endured and probably picked up a few more followers along the way. Almost every movie I’ve seen this year was at least good. Most of the garbage I came across was ultimately at least entertaining.

What else can I ask for? Well, a lot. It’d be cool to see Disney take a few more hits, if only because I sincerely believe it’s good for everyone who believes in cinema and variety when they do. I’d like to see older movies get more respect, especially the silents. I’d like to watch more of everything I keep putting off, and I want to find things that will keep me entertained and inspired as I hit and go beyond the 5,000 movie mark.

Honestly, it’s probably closer to 6 or 7K at this point.

Good movies were made this year. Good movies are coming out next year. I’ll complain along the way, no doubt, but I’ll do my best to focus more on what actually makes me happy. Not to sound like your embittered boomer ‘60s hippie castaway aunt, there’s too much negativity on the fucking internet these days. Direct quote.

Bee Movie (2007): D+

I didn’t watch the infamous Dreamworks release Bee Movie until about four years ago. I watched it again when I chose it for the column, wondering if anything I struggled to remember from the first viewing would look better the second time around. It doesn’t, and as I wasted what little life I have on this planet watching Jerry Seinfeld’s most insufferable performance to date, I decided once and for all that more than anything Bee Movie is just unpleasant and boring.

It’s pretty notorious to some, and at one point you couldn’t escape from the memes connected to Bee Movie unless you could convince your spirit to leave your body, but none of that travels very far. Enough people also like the film that it’s never really going to achieve that “So bad it’s good” status that I think I was hoping for here. Yeah, Bee Movie’s completely fucked story of a honeybee who finds (human) love and sees the entire species for damage to honeybees everywhere is pretty bizarre, but more on paper than in actual execution. Most of the time, it’s just boring. The characters, voiced by a stacked cast that includes John Goodman, Renée Zellweger, and Patrick Warburton, are dull and annoying. More dull than actually annoying, which could have powered me through the first, let alone second, viewing.

But nothing really makes this movie fun to watch. Once you get over the weirder bits, you’re left with a collection of time-consuming, pointless, and not particularly memorable jokes, and some computer animation that hasn’t aged particularly well. Bee Movie just doesn’t have the staying power of something that’s as earnest and humorous as it is terrible. It’s just terrible.

Leave (2022): C-

Found as an infant in a cemetery, wrapped in a cloth covered in Satanic symbols, a young woman named Hunter (a strong Alicia von Rittberg) tries to learn more about her past. This puts on her a journey that is not only difficult but seems to be fraught with the presence of a terrifying supernatural force. Much of what drives this film from director Alex Herron and screenwriter Thomas Moldestad is the mystery of Hunter’s true place in the world, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but there often isn’t much else going on. Leave moves at a gradual pace, running arguably a little too long at an hour and forty-six minutes that really does feel like it’s spinning its wheels with nothing more than atmosphere and the passing of time, which ensures something will happen eventually.

Something of course does happen, as Hunter’s search for answers takes her to Norway, which is used to beautiful atmospheric effect with respect to the story. Atmosphere is the one thing Leave never lacks, but with a story that struggles to keep things interesting, that’s not going to be enough for a truly good film. That’s not a serious knock against Leave though, which does have a satisfying conclusion, and some truly surprising twists in its narrative. You won’t be wasting your time with this one, but you may be like me and feel like it’s missing something crucial.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2021): B+

Fully admitting that your mileage will DEFINITELY vary with Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, I was not prepared for the zero-budget masterpiece that is this film. Another movie I knew by reputation, but put off seeing for years, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is the Troma cousin I never knew existed. Lloyd Kaufman’s name and trademark cinematic insanity feels like part of the proceedings so much, I was tempted to watch The Toxic Avenger afterwards as a fun double feature.

Don’t misunderstand me in this praise. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter has plenty of touches and ideas that make it unlike anything I’ve perhaps ever seen. Jesus Christ of Nazareth (a delightful Phil Caracas) defends lesbians in then-modern-day Ottawa from an army of vampires. That’s the story, and while the movie doesn’t necessarily deviate from that, we are treated to a lot of wild ideas and scenes that aspire to create a full-length feature on what I can only assume were virtually no resources. This is the lowest of low budgets, and yet every character, fight scene, joke, and conversation brims with enthusiasm and some actual talent behind that. It’s not for everyone, with awkward dialog and a parodic tone that won’t land for everyone. It did for me, functioning as a loving and very evocative parody of 70s grindhouse fare, but with a sense of humor that I’ve never quite seen in this singular form before.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is a strange, strange boy indeed, but for the right kind of movie freak in the right kind of movie, he’s going to be one of your favorite finds in recent memory.

Dry Summer (1963): A-

A rivalry breaks out between a tobacco farmer (Erol Tas) and his neighbors over water. A particularly dry summer compels the farmer to dam up the spring on his property that several others rely on for life itself. The situation deteriorates quickly over a nasty summer that can only end in tragedy. Perhaps not even for the farmer Osman, who ignores even the pleas of his brother Hasan to share what they have during difficult times. Hasan (Ulvi Dogan) is the most interesting character in the film, as the one who is caught between his brother and the rest of the community, with his own marriage and dreams to consider amidst so much chaos and hatred. It’s an emotionally difficult watch, as Hasan continuously seems to endure the heavier consequences of his brother’s growing madness and malice.

There’s not a bad performance in the whole of Dry Summer, but it’s his work in particular that becomes the most relatable, making it easier for the viewer to absorb everything this film has to say about greed, fear, the value of human life, and a whole lot more. This is one of those accessible, yet deceptively deep sorts of movies, making it another excellent starting point for those who might be interested in more world cinema. The tension mounted by director and co-writer Metin Erksan alone makes Dry Summer a riveting, devastating experience.

Rumble Fish (1983): A+

As I continue to wait for Francis Ford Coppola’s possible swan song Megalopolis, I find myself continuing to review his most interesting films. Last month it was Peggy Sue Got Married, and this month I’m coming back at least one more time for Rumble Fish. One of my favorites by the master, although I’ve only seen it three times, the first of which was less than five years ago.

Perhaps if I had read the moving, powerful young adult book Rumble Fish by S.E. Hinton in school, I would have seen the movie in tandem. Instead, I waited until I was deep in adulthood, and perhaps that was for the best. Hinton’s books were obviously part of my youth, but watching the movie in your 30s is something quite different altogether. There’s an aimless and relentless yearning to main character Rusty James (an early, memorable Matt Dillon turn) that never really goes away as you get older. It simply becomes easier to find things to distract you, but even that tends to run out. Coppola understood this quite well, even in middle age in 1983, and so while the movie is technically beautiful in its stylistic black and white with noir undertones, it’s also being shaped by someone who seemingly himself cannot rest or find full peace.

As we watch Rusty navigate a broken home with an alcoholic dad (Dennis Hopper returning to peak form), hang out with his friends, and try to maintain a vital human connection to his wayward brother The Motorcycle Boy (Mickey Rourke in tremendous form), we become absorbed. We understand what it’s like to feel as though the world is a sprawling, dangerous series of traps, and how intensely frightening and particularly infuriating that feeling is when you’re young. We also know hope is not wholly fiction, and that the eventual conclusion to Rusty’s story could mean better things for him on the horizon. Maybe. It happens sometimes.

Gabriel Ricard writes, edits, and occasionally acts. His books Love and Quarters and Bondage Night are available through Moran Press, in addition to A Ludicrous Split (Alien Buddha Press) and Clouds of Hungry Dogs (Kleft Jaw Press). He is also a writer, performer, and producer with Belligerent Prom Queen Productions. He lives on a horrible place called Long Island.