ONE PERFECT EPISODE / So Many Stars: Better Call Saul—"Winner" / Diddle Knabb
A cool hobby that I do is get high on edibles and then watch television while slamming like thirteen packs of Gushers. Recently I did an entire rewatch of Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul to decide which is the better show. I watched an episode and after would listen to the corresponding AMC companion podcast, which was started originally by the legend Kelley Dixon.
I fully immersed myself in the universe by consuming 63 hours of Better Call Saul, 71 episodes of Better Call Saul Insider Podcast, 61 hours of Breaking Bad, 2 hours 2 minutes for El Camino, and 55 episodes of the Breaking Bad Insider podcast. I also watched the MythBusters BB episode, several YouTube clips of interviews and a video of all the Saul Goodman scenes from Breaking Bad cut into one.
Feels a bit deranged to acknowledge this is how I spent the last few weeks of my life, but I am nothing if not a sexy recluse with PTSD and fantasy is my favorite coping mechanism. It is much easier to live inside the world of methamphetamine and murder than it is to live my own life.
It is no surprise that after all this I now have a huge boner for Vince Gilligan and would suck many dicks to be a writer on a Vince Gilligan show. Hundred of dicks. Perhaps even thousands if spaced out over time like lottery winnings. I once had a sex dream about Marc Maron but now I only have sex dreams about Vince Gilligan. If I had to write an episode of The X-Files (Vince Gilligan worked on The X-Files because of course he did), the episode would be about a girl who hypnotizes herself into a love trance with Vince Gilligan by listening to him discuss his brilliant and neurotic tendencies in that hot Appalachian drawl for hours on end.
Breaking Bad is a bomb ass show but Better Call Saul is a beautiful piece of art and, in my humble and correct opinion, the better and best show to ever exist in the history of the world.
Why? Because there are so many stars in New Mexico.
My favorite characters from Breaking Bad are Saul Goodman and Mike Ehrmantraut, and the series centers primarily on the exploits of these two horrible men who I am sexually attracted to. Initially my attraction to Mike was disappointing, since Mike is a cop and all cops are bastards. We learn in BCS that Mike has killed cops before peacing out and starting a life of crime to support his granddaughter. I looked it up online and legally a cop that kills other cops cancels out the ACAB rule. Thank god.
The show is so damn exciting because as the audience we already know a version of who these characters will be at some point in the future, and thematically the series feels obsessed with how the choices they have made led them to that bleak future. In this way the show is a villain origin story, and this idea comes to a full crash in one of my favorite episodes of television.
Aptly named “Winner,” Season 4, episode 10 is one perfect episode.
The season four finale plays out over two devastating storylines. In one thread, Jimmy (refuses to) grapple with the death of his brother Chuck. This exploration of grief leads Jimmy to officially adopt the moniker Saul Goodman. Until this point, we have only known the main protagonist as the charming fuckup Jimmy McGill.
In a separate timeline that spans over the course of just one day, Mike is unknowingly working against one of the most terrifying villains the show has introduced, Lalo Salamanca, as Mike races to find the affable German architect hired to build the Chicken Man’s meth super lab.
The first storyline begins in the past, where Jimmy has passed the bar and is being sworn in. Chuck is there to act as a witness and vouch for Jimmy as a fellow attorney. After the ceremony, Jimmy is celebrating with friends at a karaoke bar. With a little convincing, Jimmy convinces Chuck to take the stage and the brothers sing a duet of ABBA’s “The Winner Takes It All.” Chuck escorts a drunk Jimmy home after the party and banters along as his little brother blithely discusses adding another ‘M’ to Hamlin, Hamlin & McGill— Chuck’s law firm. Chuck gets in bed with Jimmy and they sing “The Winner Takes It All" before drifting off into sleep; a gut wrenching portrayal of brotherly love that is seldom shown in such a vulnerable form but understood to exist deeply between the two.
**
I fucking love ABBA. For most of my life I have been a very good girl and was even a D.A.R.E. Ambassador in my youth, so I had a mild panic attack the first time I did drugs. My partner wanted to comfort me (and prevent a total existential crisis) so told me to close my eyes before leaving the room. When he returned, he was playing the song “Dancing Queen” by ABBA full volume and gently placed my tiny Chihuahua Marvin in my arms. Petting my dog on drugs was the greatest thing I have ever done to this day.
In the Insider podcast for this episode, music supervisor Thomas Golubic discusses the notoriously difficult process of obtaining the rights to use an ABBA song. Golubic explains the band cannot be bought since they already have assloads of money and are fierce protectors of their legacy and their art. Golubic recalls a funny anecdote about meeting ABBA member Björn Ulvaeusat a music fest and found out that Ulvaeus is a major BB fan, and felt hopeful that this was a good omen that using the ABBA song would be a breeze. The process of obtaining the rights turned out to be the most difficult part of the season. (Iconic)
**
The show cuts back to the present day. It has been almost one year since Chuck commit suicide via being burned alive in his home and Jimmy has just been denied his review to practice law again after a year of probation. The ethics committee felt that Jimmy was not genuine in his interview, primarily due to his failure to discuss his dead brother, so Kim decides to help Jimmy win the appeal and get him back to practicing law. Jimmy is going to win the appeal by giving the committee what they want— performative grief.
I played all my cards/ and that’s what you’ve done too/ nothing more to say/ no more ace to play
Through a series of carefully orchestrated acts of mourning, Jimmy slips into Saul Goodman. The charade begins literally atop Chuck’s grave. Predicting friends and colleagues will visit to pay their respects, Jimmy leans against Chuck’s tombstone and pretends to cry, but is actually just mouthing random vocal exercise to give the appearance of speaking to his dead brother. Later a memorial service is held and a library is dedicated to Chuck. The library was purchased by Jimmy, a fact that is revealed through gossip (that was also purchased by Jimmy).
This charade reaches a breaking point when Jimmy sees himself reflected in a young pre-law student. Jimmy agrees to sit on a scholarship committee that is being awarded through HH&M in Chuck’s honor. The students are all impressive and precocious including one girl, Kristy, who is dogged by an incident of shoplifting in her youth. The committee takes a vote and surprise, Jimmy is the only one who voted for Kristy. Jimmy advocates for Kristy and asks the committee to reconsider the vote, pointing out that she learned from her mistake and it is what got her interested in the law. Howard Hamlin, a perfect angel, is touched by Jimmy’s words and moves to take a second vote.
Kristy does not get the scholarship and Jimmy loses his fragile mind in a deranged yet inspiring diatribe born entirely out of self projection. Jimmy chases down this unexpecting kid to reveal that not only does she not get the scholarship, but warns the rest of her life will be marred by the youthful indiscretion. her entire life will be marred by a mistake she made proceeds to project a truly deranged yet inspiring diatribe.
No one:
Jimmy McGill to a literal child: You lost. You are a loser. You will always be a loser. Do crime!
This feels like the pivotal moment in the shift from Jimmy McGill to Saul Goodman. His colleagues are quick to judge Kristy (one lady even refers to the girl as “the Shoplifter”) in the same way that Chuck always judged his little brother, up until his dying day. While Chuck loved Jimmy, he was also rigid in his damnation that Jimmy is bad and will always be bad. I don’t hear this said enough (or at all, to be honest) so want to emphasize here that the dynamic between the brothers was abusive.
Chuck was abusive to Jimmy.
Relationships between men are seldom talked about in terms of domestic violence and abuse due to ridiculous stereotypes and pervasive thoughts on masculinity, but this was a toxic relationship and Chuck was an abuser. Between the two, Chuck held a much greater position of power and often used that power to undermine Jimmy’s success. Chuck forced his coworkers to pose as the reason Jimmy was never hired at the firm, despite this being a decision made entirely by Chuck. Chuck was older than Jimmy (another power imbalance) and carried a deep resentment towards his little over his belief that Jimmy was favored by their mother. (www.PleaseGetTherapyChuckMcGill.com / 1-800-GET-HELP)
The abuse Jimmy endured from Chuck was constant and traumatizing, and was seldom validated by outsiders. To her credit, Kim (a perfect angel) does see this dynamic and calls Chuck out for always putting Jimmy down, but by this point the relationship has soured beyond repair. Jimmy is fit to work in the mailroom at the law firm, but will never be fit to represent The Law. The irony of this sentiment of course is that Chuck does not live up to his own standards, often resorting to unethical behavior and lowly attempts at gamesmanship to outmaneuver Jimmy.
The specter of Chuck’s disapproval looms large over Jimmy, and Chuck’s suicide cements the relationship at the worst point it had ever been. While the show often emphasizes the choices each individual makes, it’s important to consider the context and why a person makes the choices that they make. Jimmy’s evolution into Saul is a monster of his own creation, but it is also a trauma response to being abused by a trusted family member. This is not meant to excuse Jimmy and who he becomes, but it does make the character more interesting under this lens.
The winner takes it all/ the loser has to fall
**
In what feels like a separate multiverse, Mike is having one very shitty day. The second plot of this episode centers on Mike and Werner (an actual fucking angel), and People Magazine’s Sexiest Sociopath alive, Lalo Salamanca.
Throughout this season Gus Fringe has been busy constructing his meth super lab, the very same meth super lab that Walt and Jesse cook in years down the road. The story arc commits the ultimate sin of being boring at first and then ripping out my heart and setting it on fire by the end.
Before we dive into the saddest scene that lives rent free in my head, let’s talk about Lalo. Lalo is legitimately terrifying, but yes I would fuck him. He is really hot! His smile is sexy and he is smart, which helps distract from the void behind his eyes. Lalo can climb like a goddamn spider monkey and will murder civilians in broad daylight. He does not give a goddamn single fuck, and again, while it is sexy it is also scary. His presence frightens me in a way that Tuco or Tio fail to do. Like Gus, Lalo is a genius. I genuinely admire the intelligence of this character and think he is as smart as Walt, Gus, Mike, Jimmy— the whole lot of them. Lalo is matched for creep factor only by Todd Alquist (who is not as smart but gives me the major ick).
The meth super lab is being constructed by a dorky German named Werner and his boys. Werner is the mastermind behind the construction and his men do the heavy lifting. They are shipped in from Germany and paid handsomely for their time, but are required to live in isolation to maintain the secrecy of the project from reaching the cartel and starting a war. Construction is taking much longer than expected and Werner grows anxious because he misses his wife and asks if it would be possible for him to take a tiny little break to see his wife.
Mike is like hell to the no, dude, and tries to emphasize that they are making a meth super lab and he can see his wife only once the meth super lab is finished. Werner does not grasp the concept of working for a meth kingpin, and decides he will run away for a few days to see his wife and return to finish the lab.
Please, I am begging you, jot this down: this actual angel of a man misses his wife so much that he feels like dying (because he loves his wife) so plots a prison break to sneak away from the super meth lab compound that is under complete lockdown tight security so that he can spend a few days seeing his wife (who he cannot live without).
Ugh. My heart cannot handle Werner because he is too pure for this awful festering shit pile world. Werner does make a break from the lab, but does not get to see his wife.
In one perfect episode we have Jimmy refusing to confront his demons and having a mental breakdown about the trauma of his brother/‘s death, and a few miles away Mike is having to hunt down Werner (the man who just really loves his wife).
It’s a lot to handle emotionally and the cherry on top is that our Lord and Savior Lalo Salamanca has figured out that something is amiss and is tracking Mike, who is tracking Werner, who is the lead architect of the meth super lab. ::benny hill music intensifies but make it spooky::::
Mike is able to track Werner down by decoding the last phone call between Werner and his wife, which leads him to TravelWire (a Western Union money transfer place). Here Mike is able to convince the trusting young clerk that he is looking for a sick family member who wandered off and needs insulin. After a little sweet talking, the clerk agrees to let Mike view the security footage. Werner has indeed been to this location, but the footage of the cab is blocked and Mike is at a dead end. Gus is waiting in the parking lot as Mike returns and reveals that Werner’s wife is on a flight, where his men will be waiting for her. Waiting to murder her, naturally. Mike convinces Gus to let him look for Werner so that they can finish the lab and continue work as planned, and Gus agrees. Mike has an aha moment and remembers Werner discussing hot springs with his wife, and sure enough, Werner has a reservation at a local hot spring.
Please jot this down: Werner made a reservation at a resort under his actual fucking name, which is further proof that Werner is a dumb idiot baby who is too good for this world.
Mike realizes he is being tailed by someone (Lalo) so enters a parking lot and then uses a piece of chewing gum to jam the parking lot pay meter, giving him a lead to drive away. This is not a specifically important plot point, it’s just cool, and Lalo drives through the car in front of him and the parking meter to catch up with Mike because Lalo is a lunatic.
After losing Mike, Lalo heads back to the TravelWire to interrogate the clerk about what Mike had previously been asking. The clerk starts to feel dumb for showing random people security footage against company policy, so declines to show Lalo the same footage and politely suggests he contact the police. Lalo does what any normal person would do and enters the ceiling to climb his way past the security barrier separating the clerk from the public, and then murders the clerk.
Now look, several people have said this is a bit unrealistic. I am not shocked that Lalo is able to scale the walls with the finesse of a Spider-Man, but I am a bit skeptical that Lalo is able to access the footage with such ease. Is there no password on these computers?! This seems to be a major flaw in the security of TravelWire, but I am willing to suspend reality on this one occassion.
Lalo calls the resort and asks to speak to Werner and is saved by Mike, who takes the phone just as Werner was about to give the German equivalent of his social security number to Lalo over the phone because he is a dumb idiot baby. Mike intercepts the call and Lalo gleefully says, “Michael, is that you?” It is super creepy.
Mike takes Werner out for a drive into the middle of the desert which is definitely not a sign of impending doom and calls Gus to let him know that Werner has been collected, and about the phone call. Gus immediately understands that Lalo was the man on the phone, and in that moment Werner’s fate is sealed. The safety of the meth super lab has been breached and Werner is going to die, and Gus will not be persuaded otherwise.
This scene makes me die inside. There have been plenty of occasions in this series where innocent people have died. Just moments before this scene, Lalo murders a young store clerk in cold blood. But this scene just hits different. It is beautifully written, shot, and acted. I have rewatched it countless times and it does not fail to make me cry, and this is in large part due to Mike.
Mike is a character that I admire for his willingness to kill cops, and for his determination to live by a moral code. Mike has a moral code and tries to live by this code, and while it is not The Moral Code of society, it makes sense to me because Mike lives on the outskirts of society. In so many ways I relate to Mike in feeling that I have been dealt a hand that requires me to live by a moral code outside the bounds of ‘normal.’
Mike is a character who does not suffer fools and approaches his work with the mentality that there can be no half measures. Despite himself, Mike has grown to admire Werner and his work ethic and his authentic outlook on life and humanity. At one point Mike even loosens up enough on the job to have a beer with Werner, which is as close to being friends as Mike gets with colleagues. The two discuss their lives and fathers, and Werner laments missing his wife.
In the final hours of Werner’s life, Mike blames himself for not having stricter boundaries with Werner, which in part leads to Werner’s death. Werner feels comfortable with Mike because Werner believes that Mike is his friend, and this is why Werner leaves the compound. Werner believes that his friend Mike, and when Mike asks Werner what the hell he was thinking, Werner says, “I thought I would come back and my friend Michael would be very very angry, but in time he would understand and forgive.”
For all his genius, Werner does not have street smarts. This is a man who thinks his criminal boss will forgive him for ditching his post, which is to say that this is not a man who belongs in the game. Tuco broke human legs as punishment for getting crossed, and Werner is out here trying to hit up the spa with his wife real quick before finishing the super meth lab. The blurring of lines between boss and friend proves here to be a lethal mistake, and one that triggers not just Werner’s death, but a number of deaths throughout the series.
Mike takes personal responsibility for killing Werner to spare Werner the brutality of Gus’ men, and gives Werner the chance to call his wife and convince her to go back home. Werner finally understands the severity of the situation and makes a final call to his wife and berates her into abandoning their plans and returning home. His last words to his wife are, “Shut up, now! You must go back home… I don't want to see you at all… I don’t want to see you. So go back home, immediately, now.” His wife is like fuck this shit and goes back home, but sadly the rest of us have now perished from the weight of our broken hearts.
Werner asks Mike if there is no other way, and after accepting his fate, Werner tells Mike that he will walk out into the desert to get a better look at the stars and so that Mike can shoot him and murder him more easily. The camera pans out and to the dark desert and the scene is both foreboding and exquisite. A blast of light pops before the sound of a gunshot rings out into the night. When I tell you my entire ass fell from my body, I mean my entire ass.
**
I don’t want to talk/ about things we’ve gone through/ though it’s hurting me/ now it’s history
Back at the courthouse, Jimmy prepares to give his statement to the review board. The plan is to address the ethics committee with an emotional reading of a letter Chuck left in his will. Kim has been prepping Jimmy for this last hurrah, the final step in their coordinator effort to secure his good standing as an attorney. The letter is left in his will with an inheritance of $5,000, which Kim explains is the lowest amount someone can leave to prevent a will from being contested. Chuck having left behind millions would have left this amount as a slap in the face.
The letter is filled with more of the same kind of negging and condescending advice that Chuck had to offer while he was alive. Despite being the one person who got in the way of Jimmy’s career at HH&M, Chuck writes hollows sentiments such as, “For all the problems in your past, I’m proud we share the name McGill.” For the purpose of the interview though, the undated letter feels like a final warm embrace from a beloved older brother. The sacred last words of a man who loved his kid brother.
The super power of Jimmy McGill (and Saul Goodman) is his fast on his feet ability to read the room and manipulate a situation through persuasion and charm. Jimmy and Kim understand that what this ethics board want is for Jimmy to address the elephant in the room, his mentally ill dead brother Chuck, and anything short of this is going to be read as insincere. To win back his good name, Jimmy accurately pegs that he is going to have to exploit his grief and to perform sincerity for these voyeurs in charge of his future. Jimmy nails the performance, much to Kim’s (and our) horror.
Jimmy begins to read the letter from Chuck but abandons it quickly, explaining that this letter is between them and reading it would be wrong. Jimmy always intended to exploit the letter in the very way he now feigns would be wrong to do. Instead of reading a letter or prepared statement, Jimmy uses it as a launching point to fake a not at all honest admission of how he feels about his brother. Using the same kind of empty sentimentality employed in the letter by Chuck, Jimmy plays these fools like a fiddle. He describes how difficult it was to impress Chuck, the man who inspired him to be a lawyer and a better man, and tearfully decries that no matter what he is proud to carry on the family legacy and carry the name McGill. Jimmy is so effective in his performative bullshit that it brings several of the attorneys in the room to tears, including Kim, who was in on the game all along.
Jimmy wins over the room and leaves victorious. In the hall he embraces Kim, who is still moved by Jimmy’s powerful words, only to realize she has been played. Jimmy hoots and hollers literally right outside the fucking room where he just conned all these people and reveals how he just knew the right thing to say to play these people, and laughs that the “one asshole” had tears in his eyes. Kim was seated behind Jimmy, and does not realize that Kim had also been crying and effectively conned by the performance.
Kim is stunned into silence as Jimmy grabs the attention of a court clerk who is there to give Jimmy the good news that the board has agreed to end his probation, and Jimmy cheekily asks the clerk to grab a change of name form to go with the paperwork. Only minutes after pitching the biggest load of crap on the planet about continuing the McGill legacy, Jimmy announces that he will be changing his name, the path forward made clear by the exploits of this last year.
**
The episode is a perfect catastrophe of events as the characters we have met begin to feel the consequences of their actions and dip into the murky futures we know in the future of Breaking Bad. Sweethearted Jimmy is trauma launched into the persona of Saul, a complete caricature of a lawyer who relies on loopholes to circumvent the law. Chuck envied Jimmy’s ability to relate to people and use charm to his advantage, and the result of that resentment has lead to the creation of one monstrous fuck. Mike is forced to kill a good man to stick to his criminal code, no half measures, but it fractures his soul to do so.
The showrunners took four whole ass seasons to introduce the character as Saul Goodman, and that kind of slow burn feels like such a flex only achievable by Vince “Big Dick” Gilligan.
“Winner” is one perfect episode, a finale that pays off after not one but four painful and intricately written seasons of television. Jimmy McGill is dead, long live Saul Goodman.
And s’all good, man.
finger bangs into the sunset
diddle knabb is a chicago artist, writer, mutual aid organizer and activist. she lives in a mansion with her two dogs.
