My preference with these little ramblings at the top of every column is to stick with things that will have at least some degree of enduring relevancy. This has never been your go-to destination to find a finger on the pulse of whatever the hell is going on with cinema at a particular moment. I try to talk about things that will more or less make sense years after they were written.

However, while it will be sometime in October when you’re reading this column, I have a feeling the wholesale slaughter of creativity going on at Warner Bros-Discovery is still going to be worth discussing by then. The bottomlessly dull asshole running the show, David Zaslav, has made his goals with HBO Max and Warner Bros in general quite clear. Less diversity. Less animation. More of the cheap, inoffensive, and often soulless programming he made popular on Discovery. HBO Max has been feeling the effects of this mindset, combined with the recent news that Warner Bros only has enough cash on hand for two theatrical releases for the rest of 2022.

While I don’t really care or judge people who like shows featuring actual human beings with names like Chip and Joanna, I do find it depressing that in the eyes of services like HBO Max, those of us who want other things to watch can fuck right off. Streaming is more powerful and wide-reaching than ever, and yet our options for diverse programming, classic cinema, niches of all shapes and sizes, or anything that may or may not appeal to David “Peckerhead” Zaslav’s idea of Middle America is seemingly getting smaller.

Film, in particular, seems to be something that’s getting less important by the day.

Anyway, those of us who know also know there’s still a ton of stuff to check out. So maybe do that while you can. Buy physical when space and money give you the privilege of being able to do that.

And one more time, just for the fun of it, go fuck yourself, David Zaslav. That goes for anyone along these lines, making the GE buying NBC plot thread from 30 Rock a real-life monument of bullshit.

Mary Poppins Returns (2018): D+

Why not start this month’s column with some free-floating hostility. My wife and I had an entire day to kill recently. For reasons unclear to either of us, we decided to focus on Disney’s adaptations of the work of Mary Poppins creator P.L. Travers. This meant watching the original 1964 Disney release, the 2013 Disney-produced biopic Saving Mr. Banks, the 2018 sequel Mary Poppins Returns, and then the 1971 quasi-Poppins Disney film Bedknobs and Broomsticks. We started with Returns, directed by Rob Marshall (who is certainly no stranger to big and pleasing movie musicals), and it’s a small miracle we kept going from there.

I’ll admit I’m not the target audience for Mary Poppins Returns, featuring the adult Banks children (Ben Whishaw and Emily Mortimer) in what might be the most lighthearted depiction of The Great Depression I’ve ever seen. I can nonetheless be sold on dizzying amounts of whimsy, given that I do in fact like the 1964 Mary Poppins quite a bit. I’m also very fond of Bedknobs and Broomsticks, whose connections to Mary Poppins are at least interesting. It doesn’t hurt those connections that Angela Lansbury pops up at the end of Returns in a cameo that was very clearly written with Julie Andrews in mind.

Still, Mary Poppins Returns, for all the good elements to be found here (Dick Van Dyke’s incredible cameo, Emily Blunt as a good-not-great Mary Poppins, and a small final role by the late, great David Warner), is another hollow modern Disney effort. There’s less of a story here than in the original. The new characters never really gel. Most of the new songs walk a line between outright crap and pleasant-but-pretty-dull. Like a lot of modern Disney products, it doesn’t have a lot to demand repeat viewings, or even the effort involved in remembering what you just saw. At best, it’s an ambitious and sometimes-admirable diversion. At worst, it’s another example of Disney being mostly a wasteland of creativity these days.

Turning Red (2022): B+

Just to prove to anyone who cares that I’m not completely cynical about Disney, let’s take a look at a recent release that I quite enjoyed. Turning Red seems to represent a shift in the sorts of stories Pixar is telling these days. I don’t know if that’s a good thing over the long-term, as it’s getting increasingly hard to tell the difference between a Pixar release and a Disney release. For the time being, we have Turning Red, and Turning Red is one of the best releases from either studio in a while.

The first Pixar feature to be directed by a woman (Domee Shi, who co-wrote the script, as well), Turning Red has a beautiful confidence in its telling of a pretty straightforward story of the inherent chaos of adolescence getting enhanced complications. This comes in the form of protagonist Meilin "Mei" Lee going through the transition of young child to teenager and discovering that she transforms into a giant red panda whenever she gets too worked up about something. Obviously, this happens a lot, but the movie never runs out of humor, sweetness, or the momentum behind its story. Even with comedic elements staying consistent through this story, Turning Red does not abandon depth of character, or the complicated relationship between Mei and her family (her mom in particular) that runs against Mei’s increasingly deep desire to set out on her own path.

That’s a lot of ground to cover in just 100 minutes, but Turning Red rarely struggles to juggle its story, characters, and humorous beats (the so-called controversial scene in which Mei’s mother suspects her daughter is getting her first period if a cringe-inducing, hysterical highlight). The animation is also quite stunning, keeping up with the multifaceted demands of the rest of the film.

Intruder (1989): B+

Not to worry, since this column will be out in time for all things Halloween, the rest of this column will be devoted to a few genre suggestions. First up, we’ve got one of the most underrated and surreal slasher films of the 1980s. By the end of the decade in particular, slashers were seemingly on their way out. Movies like Intruder languished in this reality and would have to find an appreciative slowly and over a great period of time.

Directed by Scott Spiegel, whose resume includes among other things co-writing Evil Dead II with Sam Raimi (who appears here in a small role along with brother Ted Raimi, and even Bruce Campbell pops up at the end in a small but pivotal role), Intruder feels off-kilter from the very beginning. A sense of humor shows up early on, as we meet the various eccentric characters and teenagers working at a small grocery store on its last night before the doors are closed forever. The humorous dialog makes sense, given who wrote and directed this, but Intruder frightens you repeatedly with a well-told mystery killer story that utilizes the setting and inventive violence in various compelling and clever ways.

The result is something that has better acting than you might suspect, with creative twists that work well within the film’s strong build towards a conclusion we think we can see coming from a mile away. However, like a lot of what goes on in this hellish little grocery store, the ending of Intruder might take you by surprise. Even if you’ve figured out who’s been picking off the employees one by one, it’s probable that the way this revelation unfolds is still going to be impressive and unexpected.

Glorious (2022): B-

Shudder remains an essential go-to for new and relatively obscure horror films this Halloween, with ample space left for a few classics across a wide range of sub-genres. Glorious is one of their original offerings, and it might just be one of the best releases on the channel for 2022. This cosmic horror with shades of very dark comedy may in fact be one of the best horror movies of the year period. That’s saying a lot in an exceptionally crowded category.

Glorious is a curious mix of lo-fi storytelling with sprawling universal implications. This 79-minute Lovecraftian variant stays primarily in one location, a filthy bathroom stall at an unremarkable rest stop. We also rarely deal with anyone beyond the two primary characters, a man named Wes (Ryan Kwanten, who is excellent here) going through a breakup in the most toxic fashion possible, and a disembodied voice belonging to a form we never truly witness as we’d like to. The voice belongs to J.K. Simmons, an ancient deity who reaches out to Wes with a most unusual, and quite disturbing, request. This request sets the stage for the rest of the movie.

Swinging back and forth between humorous, unsettling conversations between Wes and this voice, moments of gory chaos, and a couple of genuinely shocking twists, Glorious shows what you can do with minimal resources. A lot of things are left up to your imagination, but what we do experience on the screen never fails to compel our attention. Make it a point to include Glorious on your 2022 horror watchlist.

The Innocents (2021): A+

Who doesn’t like a movie populated with creepy Nordic children? The Innocents goes after our general perception of childhood and innocence with a ferocity that rarely works as well as it does here. Set primarily in a Norwegian apartment complex, the film tells the story of several children who come to realize that each of them has certain psychic abilities. These powers initially manifest as telekinesis, but soon give way to other talents. This collective discovery sets each child down their own path, but with their fates now connected by what makes them special from the other kids, The Innocents soon becomes an insulated nightmare. Each child has something to be angry or disheartened about in their everyday lives. With little in the way of an outlet from these feelings, and very little help or sympathy from the adults around them, these powerful children are left to their own devices.

And there are times when those devices are very scary indeed. The Innocents shows these children, particularly Ida (a powerful performance by young Rakel Lenora Fløttum) struggling with rage and confusion at their lives and at this unexpected discovery that they can do so much more. On the other hand, Ben (a gripping performance by Sam Ashraf), another of the children with these powers, opts for cruelty and getting back at those he has perceived as being harmful. The Innocents tells a complex story with its young cast, relating a slow-burn supernatural horror film that could arguably function as a very unique superhero story.

While the horror elements of The Innocents are easy enough to understand, it’s the characterization and unspooling of this plot that makes the film truly unique. Unsettling doesn’t do this movie justice. Its most disturbing moments are sure to stay imbedded in your psyche long after Halloween gives way to the horrors of the impending holiday season.

Gabriel Ricard writes, edits, and occasionally acts. His books Love and Quarters and Bondage Night are available through Moran Press, in addition to A Ludicrous Split (Alien Buddha Press) and Clouds of Hungry Dogs (Kleft Jaw Press). He is also a writer, performer, and producer with Belligerent Prom Queen Productions. He lives on a horrible place called Long Island.