I’m reaching for the ashtray because I’m alone with it.
I’m at the bar my father goes to because my mother isn’t home
and because he thinks it’s european to bring children to the bar.

He’s gone to the loo. It’s 2002
and I’ve insisted on wearing a petticoat.
The bartender, in an attempt to entertain me, says I didn’t take you for a smoker.

I’m five and it’s past time
to feed my tamagotchi.
I make a point to sob with enough fervor to properly indicate I’m not in fact a smoker.

My father returns to find the bartender
on one knee, fastening the string
of a red balloon to my wrist.

Sophia Bannister is a recent graduate of Barnard College, where she studied writing and the history of science. In addition to assisting a graduate course on poetry and bioethics at Case Western University, she currently does social media and outreach for the Hudson Valley Writers Center in Sleepy Hollow, New York. Her work is featured in Prometheus Dreaming.