BoJack Horseman is a stupid piece of shit, and his brain reminds him of it constantly. With vitriolic internal narration and chaotic animated asides, “Stupid Piece of Shit” places the viewer into BoJack’s mind as he experiences intrusive thoughts, self-hatred, and addiction. It portrays BoJack’s desperation for his pain to be seen by those around him, and how hard the people in his life struggle to do so in the face of his addiction and cruelty. While this authentic depiction acknowledges the reality that BoJack is sick, it never seeks to excuse the terrible decisions he continuously makes. Rather, it shows how consequences build as he cycles through toxic behaviors, causing him to harm the person he most wants to protect: his idealistic young family member, Hollyhock.

The conflict in this episode comes from BoJack’s reaction to being triggered by his mother’s behavior. Living with dementia, Beatrice is rarely cognizant of the world around her, focused on her “baby,” a doll. Where Hollyhock sees a “sweet confused old lady,” BoJack sees the person who emotionally abused him as a child. Seeing her dote on the doll—and hearing Hollyhock tell her she’s “such a good mother”—is an agonizing reminder of the love she actively withheld from him. Heedless of the fact that Beatrice’s dementia renders her unable to understand, BoJack torments her, reveling in the power he has over her. But all Hollyhock sees is his cruelty toward Beatrice as she is now: a vulnerable person in need of protection from an abuser. Coupled with his alcoholism, BoJack’s inability to work toward healing his childhood trauma leads him to believe the only way he’ll feel better is to make Beatrice suffer. And it works—briefly. After hurling Beatrice’s doll off the deck, he thinks, “Nice arm.” Then, in the face of Hollyhock’s disappointed dismay, his thoughts revert immediately to self-hatred: “You goddamn piece of shit idiot asshole.” His attempt to make himself feel better backfires, damaging his relationship with Hollyhock and giving him more justification for his conceptualization of himself as a stupid piece of shit.

BoJack’s mental illness distorts his self-image, causing him to focus on how irredeemably awful he is and to settle into a cycle of self-abuse. He envies Mr. Peanutbutter, wishing he could achieve the same seemingly effortless happiness. His friend’s genuine compassion clashes so alarmingly with BoJack’s own worldview that he opens up, explaining he is afraid to get close to Hollyhock because he’ll “BoJack things up.” To BoJack, his own name is synonymous with destruction, but Mr. Peanutbutter says, “You mean show up somewhere and be the life of the party? And then share a laugh with your good friend Mr. Peanutbutter?” BoJack can’t reconcile this affection with his self-hatred. He doesn’t believe he’s worthy of it, but his friend reminds him that “Everybody deserves to be loved.”

At the end, BoJack opens up to Hollyhock, explaining that his shittiness has nothing to do with her. She’s upset, but her desire to build a relationship with BoJack is at the forefront. Like Mr. Peanutbutter, Hollyhock cares about BoJack, but his mental illness doesn’t allow him to accept her love no matter how much he wants to. He’s terrified she’ll end up like him, stuck in a spiral of self-hatred. His fears aren’t unfounded: she tells him about the little voice in her head that says, “Hey, everyone hates you, and they’re not wrong to feel that way!” Vulnerable, she asks him to reassure her that the voice will eventually go away. Unable to admit how much he is struggling, BoJack tells her what she wants to hear: yes, the voice goes away. By denying the reality of the mental illness that runs in their family, BoJack loses his chance to reciprocate Hollyhock’s vulnerability, shutting her down with a lie he believes will protect her. Whatever his intention, it’s typical BoJack behavior, but at the end of such a fraught episode, it gives the viewer a better understanding of the thought processes leading to actions which eventually trigger a breakdown of trust.

“Stupid Piece of Shit” is a masterful portrayal of the reality of living with a personality disorder. BoJack’s intrusive thoughts drive him to terrible decisions, which make him hate himself, which fuels the thoughts, which push him to more bad choices, and so on. People are quick to argue that those with personality disorders are abusive, but it takes an episode as perfect as this to show that the one with the disorder is the one who suffers most from it. This episode looks at those who relate a little too well to BoJack and says, “I see you” and “Your pain matters.” Mr. Peanutbutter is right: everyone deserves to be loved—even stupid pieces of shit.

Adrien Kade Sdao earned their MFA in Creative Writing (Writing for Young People) from Antioch University Los Angeles, where they now teach through the Continuing Education program inspiration2publication. They are a reader and guest editor for Voyage, a young adult literary journal. Their work has appeared or is forthcoming in Drunk Monkeys, K’in, Lunch Ticket, Unlikely Stories, Fterota Logia, and more. They live in North Hollywood with their cat, Shelly. Find out more at aksdao.com.