Photo by Jenni Kowal on Unsplash
---“What cannot be said will be wept.”—Sappho
Not for the sheepish or the faint of heart—Every day
we mark the calendar with one more hangnail of grief.
I shivered on a porch swing, locked out of
my house, donning a terrible secret.
Owned and handled, I stood sedate
as a police out-line. My past until this moment
is penciled in the way an artist suggests a cloud.
This is the narrative—repeat it, repeat after me.
I never existed before this moment.
Under a stairwell, I could feel my fear
like skin caught in a zipper. The last touch
of red on the artist’s brush. I heard many cries,
like scrawny cats in the alley of my heart.
My swagger was black and blue and smacked-up
with pool hall chalk. Now, a civil anguish that
ransacked homes like weeds in the sidewalks.
A militant boot in the face of every word. The gods
are lactating in stone. So this is what I did, proof
I was here on this rocky turf—Sketched this narrative
of cardinal sin and madness. Careless sleuth
of testimony, I set this self on paper. There I caught
a glimpse of my old aunt brushing her hair,
her wrist was inked and numbered. I built a fort
out of fabric and rubber tires. A thunderclap
to light the wholly and fearless Interior.
originally published in Gamut
Cynthia Atkins is the author of Psyche’s Weathers and In The Event of Full Disclosure, and the forthcoming collection “Still-Life With God.” Her poems have appeared in numerous journals, including, Alaska Quarterly Review, Apogee, BOMB, Cleaver Magazine, Cultural Weekly, Denver Quarterly, Diode, Florida Review, Flock Lit, Green Mountains Review, Le Zaporogue, Los Angeles Review, North American Review, Rust + Moth, Sweet: A Literary Confection, SWWIM, Tampa Review, and Verse Daily, and nominated for Pushcart and Best of The Net. Formerly, Atkins worked as the assistant director of the Poetry Society of America. She has received fellowships from Bread Loaf and the VCCA, Atkins teaches creative writing at Blue Ridge Community College and lives on the Maury River of Rockbridge County VA with her family. More or @catkinspoet info at: www.cynthiaatkins.com, https://www.facebook.com/Cynthia-Atkins-190490067665164/