I don’t know that I am brave
enough today to live because
to live means to hurt, hurt drums
through my bones over and over
for the people who died haloed in
their own blood because they were
different, special because someone
devoured life in a shower of bullets
under a black sky I don’t have
the time to mourn them. Each face, each life
lost before another round, another someone
showers life out of friends
I’ll never meet. I am not brave enough to live
through another death.
APRIL JONES is the Fiction Editor of Drunk Monkeys. She received her M.F.A. from Antioch University and her B.S. from Brigham Young University-Idaho. Her works have appeared in The Boston Poetry Magazine and Fast Forward Fiction.
spider up her thigh in the dimly lit room
held down, stared down
embers of the abyss snap around her
My father sexually abused me.
When I got married,
I hyphenated my name.
No one questioned it at the time.
But in the middle of my parents’ late divorce,
everyone wants to know about names.
Nietzsche warned us not to look
long into the abyss, or it will look long
into us.
It was finally
his home until
abruptly
his mind flashed
all the times he had entered a
boy
i was depressed,
and i wanted
to take a
walk;
you said you'd join me—
didn't mean i wanted
netflix and chill,
it happened before words came
to tell me how to feel about it
newly connected neurons torn apart
or perverted—
forever firing blanks into the microbiological air
As a child
The lessons taught
Can bring a pain never thought.
The lessons on trust
And heartache
Sear the soul.