Eventually, Sex and the City finally “concluded” that motherhood is good if it makes you happy. In the progression of the show, one main character changes views when she unexpectedly becomes a mother herself. Another finally becomes a mother after years of desperately wanting a baby. One is childfree and staunchly opposed to motherhood. Only Carrie is childfree but open to the possibility of children. Thus, regarding motherhood, the show’s continued popularity arguably persists because of its timeless delivery of the universal truth that being a woman is complicated. Season one’s “The Baby Shower” sets this in motion, providing a painfully relatable (yet still surprising) critique of a woman’s interest (or lack thereof) in having children. The result is an examination of the ambiguity in considering parenthood which continues to resonate with so many of the show’s new audience members.
The episode begins with the titular baby shower’s announcement, but with a twist: this is the baby shower of Lainey, a notoriously wild party girl suddenly turned suburban housewife. Of the four main characters, Charlotte reacts with unrestrained excitement, while Carrie, Samantha, and Miranda are incredulous; a flashback reveals Lainey’s days of indefinite sexuality and public exhibitionism. Overshadowing all of this, though, is Carrie’s absent menstrual period, which causes her to panic about her potential parenthood. Later, at the baby shower, she wonders if motherhood is a life she actually wants. This is followed by scenes that break the fourth wall, featuring monologues from minor characters that provide entertaining yet disturbing portraits of what having children can do to adults. The juxtapositions of Connecticut pastel versus New York gunmetal mirror wildly different discourses about the desirability of parenting. Yet ironically, the only thing that any of this barrage of differing opinions offers is that parenthood, in the myriad of ways to pursue happiness, doesn’t seem to make anyone particularly happy.
The episode ends with an introspective Carrie walking home from a park. In soft lighting, she looks to either side as she walks. The last shot frames Carrie off center and to the right. Only she is in focus; the background is artfully blurred. As she walks forward, people appear, walk through, and disappear from this blurred background on the left, perhaps representing the undefined space containing Carrie’s open-ended thoughts. The final line of the episode, given in voiceover and with an uncertain tone mentions that on this walk, she gets her period. But even though this episode ends on a finality, the reality is that she clearly leaves her quandary even more confused than when it began. Consequently, for maternity, “The Baby Shower” manages to create tension based on a childfree woman’s openness to motherhood, not just her explicit desire or aversion to it.
Thus, it’s Carrie’s ambivalence that makes this episode so impactful. Arguably, no other show had tackled the pain of this specific uncertainty in a way that continues to be so relevant. Even those who want children are burdened by even the most basic questions; for example, in voiceover near the end of the episode, Carrie asks about motherhood, “would I be any good?” More crucially, she then asks, “would I somehow manage to stay me?” This quote is mirrored earlier in the episode when, Lainey, heavily pregnant, shows up to Samantha’s “no baby shower” (a hilariously petty event held in celebration of the fact that Samantha isn’t having a baby.) Although interested in raucous partying, Lainey realizes through unspecified internal means that she can no longer bring herself to publicly expose her breasts. Humiliated, Lainey later tells Carrie that, “one day you’re gonna wake up, and you’re not gonna recognize yourself.” Nowadays, for millennials, this kind of existential crisis in becoming a parent is magnified by the overwhelming problems of climate change and depleted resources. Consequently, as this episode leaves us even more baffled, I couldn’t help but wonder: even if we want children, is it a good idea to have them?
These contemporary issues around thoughts of parenthood produce a unique spin on a familiar Catch-22: have babies out of (societal) obligation, but also don’t have babies because it’s bad for society. Of course, the latter half of Carrie’s Catch-22 is “don’t have babies because being unsure about parenthood is bad,” which is obviously less dire than that of the millennial. Although the cultural expectations have since shifted, the two conundrums are still congruent. Even though SATC never burdened itself with the behemoth of climate change, this episode’s negative attitudes about parenting still reinforce the concept that having babies may very well not be such a good idea. Of course, Carrie’s impartiality towards motherhood remains to the end of the series, and the show does explicitly show the benefits of having children. Still, at the end of the series, neither the potential absence nor presence seem to provide her with much closure. This episode’s refreshing portrait of the oft-neglected tension surrounding openness to parenthood still hits.
Jonathan Sanford is a PhD student in English literature at the University of Texas at Arlington. His specialties include feminist theory and post-colonialism.